Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Enjoy the penises
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
