4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
