she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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