I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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