Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
