she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
