evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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