The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry about my life...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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