You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
