my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
