you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
honey bunches of taint.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Mom said you looked used
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
