So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
