You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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