He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
