Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
