if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
