Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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