Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
