I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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