At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize