Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
