Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can feel your judgement through the phone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
