ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
