did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
