Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
