I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
