your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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