what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize