Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
