The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
