I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
