four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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