Someone shit on the floor
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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