Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
