he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didn't notice because vodka
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
