I hate your face
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
