Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
