Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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