apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
