I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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