yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
