i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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