I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
