Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
