just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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