Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize