Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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