then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
