My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
