She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
