we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
