Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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