): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
