i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
