Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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