Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
