Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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