the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
