Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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Congratulations! We have a period
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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