margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
