just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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