i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
