All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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