both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
