I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
