I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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