My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
