He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
