just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
