did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
