just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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